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Racoozles

Preliminary field studies indicate that racoozles are primarily subterranean creatures, only venturing out into open spaces at night. Though data has been particularly sparse, current consensus points to the likelihood that there are only two motives for their nocturnal forays: 1) stealing cow eggs and 2) admiring themselves in any reflective surface--most often chrome hubcaps. The former suggests that they attempt to grow cows underground. However, given the complete absence of any cow-related activity in their burrows, it seems they have, as yet, been thoroughly unsuccessful. The latter suggests preparation for mating. Racoozle experts have noted on multiple occasions the most prolific 'coozles are the most unkempt. Reflective surfaces allow them to discover, and hopefully remedy, any groomed areas on their fur. The most disheveled-looking racoozle ever monitored (Topeka suburbs, 2007), an adult male nicknamed QuazzyMono, once boasted a colony of more than 293 offspring. His mate, quite frankly, was similarly ghastly and somewhat malodorous. 

 

Although omnivorous, racoozles are highly dependent upon the nutritious sap of goji tree roots for their ultimate survival. Small, static colonies have been able to subsist on 2-3 gojis for many months, but such situations are incredibly rare. In nearly every case (absent an adequate symbiote), 'coozle colonies will bleed the roots dry within a matter of weeks. When this happens, two natural phenomena often result. First, the goji trees wither up and die. Secondly, a most bizarre creature, the flightless jinkie (oftentimes referred to as a jinkie bird, although ornithologists "refuse any insinuation of association with such heinous excuses for feathered fiendishness, thank you very much!") will frequent these decaying tree corpses as a primary food source. [See the Jinkie Critter Guide for more information on these kooky critters.]

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