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A wee sampling of some raw poem parts on the Poetrician's operating table...

Enormous Hedgehogs 

Wide and tall

Make this town 

Look very small


At first they came in

Off the boats

They soon became

The size of goats


People fed them

Green bug jelly

Bought them snacks 

From Barney's Deli


Found we them

All cute and sweet

With droopy eyes

And furry feet


I really wish we

Would've known 

How fast our food

Had made 'em grown


It wasn't long

They be-gan biting 

Soon enough

They started fighting


Tried we hard

We did our best

But lo,

They still became a pest


They multiplied

They're still abounding 

How they grow

It's just confounding


Klaxons warned us

Much too late

First two, then four

And now there's eight! 


They stomp our forest 

Into sticks 

And turn our courthouse

Into bricks


People screaming

All around

Their cries and shrieks 

The only sound


Should I stay

Or should I go?

I'm much too scared, 

I just don't know.


Should we give up

And say goodbye? 

Is this a noble

Way to die?


Our final hope

To make 'em flee

Is lure them out 

Into the sea


Mary found a little lamb

It wandered all alone

She carried it back to her farm

And made for it a home


She read it books and dressed him up

And fed him lots of milk

The hours spent a-combing

Made his fleece as soft as silk


Everywhere that Mary went

Her lamb was sure to go

It followed her through wind and sleet

Through twisters, rain, and snow

Mr Whompers was a smoggy man

Who lived atop a yurt 

He built it with some swizzle sticks 

And cherry fossil dirt


A hypnopotamus 

Was always right there by his side

With snail-plated corset

Made of spicy naugahyde

I started pickin' at my grub

The snail shake all too lumpy

With slimy beets and donkey feets

My tummy got all grumpy


My head turned green, my eyes fell out 

I came down with a fever

I guess I should've stopped before

I ate that pickled beaver


Said to my date, "Ya know, I bet you'll

Find this kinda funny, 

But I left my wallet at Ma's house

I ain't got any money."


I don't know how it happened

Was it something that I said? 

But now I got contusions

And a new dent in my head. 


It's just my luck, I should've known

But now it's much too late

I'm pretty sure we won't be going

On a second date

My mother tried to teach me

Using mental apprehension

But she always said I never did

Pay very close attention


If I remember right

(Which I'm sure I might)

Then this is what she said:


Don't go swimming after eating

Half a dozen plates of cake

'Cause if you do I'm sure you knew

The diving board you'll break


A stitch in time will save a dime

(Or was it just a penny?)

I don't recall exactly

But it really ain't that many


If at first you don't succeed

Perhaps you need to try

But failing that, just kiss the cat

And eat a piece of pie


Brush your teeth two times each day

And thrice if you just must

(Any less that that, I 'spose 

They'll prob'ly start to rust.)


Don't ever talk to strangers

Most 'specially not a mime 

For if he talks, you'll cause him

To commit a ghastly crime


The early bird, it gets the worm

Them birds, they can't be beaten

But come to think...if that's so true

The early worm gets eaten!


Don't cry over milk that's spilled 

It isn't salutory 

But if it is the chocolate kind 

Now that's a different story


Best to let sleep-ing dogs lie

Um, not to be uncouth

But does that mean when wide awake

We make 'em tell the truth? 


Birds of a feather knock together

It makes their knuckles swell

But why don't they just use their beaks 

To ring the blasted bell?!

Don't put your eggs in baskets

Leave 'em mostly in the nest 

Or momma bird'll get ya

Which I'm sure you might've guessed

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